I’m in a weird head space at them moment.

I’ve had conversations with people about stuff I shouldn’t really talk about.

This week sucks as Monday is possibly the day that decides whether I’m looking for a new job or not.
Don’t get me wrong, I love working in Jessops and it’s going to be a very sad day when I leave, and I won’t leave until I actually get a new job doing something else, but I can’t live on 12 hours. It’s not the money, (even though it’s nice, the money at the moment is ok) but I need something to do. I’m being driven mad with boredom and it’s nice to have something to do and somewhere to go.  But if I get this team leader job, I would be a happy girl for a while and I’ll definitely be on the road towards my chosen career. But if not, I’m going to have to sit down a reevaluate how I’m going to get to where I want to go.

It’s almost a year (year next month) since Simon broke my heart.
I’m glad to say that I’m over him but it’s taken me a very long time to get over the fact that my heart was broken. I’m still feeling a bit crap because while I was nursing my broken heart, I fell behind on a lot of things in my life, and the fact he ended things, just knocked me back a hell of a lot.
My confidence was knocked. I have no idea what I did wrong as he never really told me. He just told me he couldn’t do “it” anymore. Whatever “it” was. So obviously my first thought was “it’s me”, and still is sometimes. But now I’m over the blow, I realise that it was the distance (of 45 minutes) and that he was a bit of a self-centred person. I’m becoming me as a singular again and my confidence is coming back, even though I still have low self-esteem. But I’m getting there, slowly.
The fact that we had so many plans knocked me back a bit. But a lot of them, I can do on my own. It was only things like moving out again and travelling.
I mentioned earlier, I fell behind on a lot of things. One of those things was driving. I’ve been having lessons for over a year now, but in theory I should have passed by now. I was so unable to focus after he ended things, I didn’t bother with driving for about two months. I started up again in august last year and fingers crossed, I will pass in June. (June 2nd if you care for the exact date). But as I have said, I’m getting there.
I know I seem to be making excuses, but he was my first for a lot of things, and it hit me hard. I’ve been played and “knocked about” before, but this was different because I was in love. Emphasis on the was.
Ok. That’s enough about the ex.

Keeping the theme though, I’ve never been the greatest when it comes to “meeting” guys. I’m not the type of person to just walk up to someone in a pub/bar and talk to someone I like the look of. I’m a shy girl. I can quite happily talk to a guy if he starts the conversation, but I’m shit at starting them with a guys I don’t know.
I don’t know when I’ll meet someone new. I’m not actively looking, but if someone comes along who sweeps me off my feet, I won’t complain.
I do really fancy someone at the moment, but I have no chance with him. (In my head)

I really don’t know why I’m writing this. It started out as I need to get my thoughts out my head, but it’s kinda turned into telling you a partial life story.
I tend to over think sometimes which leads to things like this I guess?
I’m sure things will fully get back on track soon. So with that cliché, I’m going to end this post as I’m actually getting sleepy. I’ve been writing this since… 6pm and it’s now 1am. I take forever.

Thank you for reading.

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